A Year Passed

Each event in your life,
Every experience you have,
And each emotion you feel,
We are all just petals
in the flower garden of Life…

This morning started like one of many ordinary Saturdays — a good and comfortable morning run at 6:30am with my CamelBak, RunKeeper, 14 comfortable and solo miles — just the way I like it. The trail was quiet on this early Sat morning, and I took my time to appreciate the trees, flowers, creek, sunshine, pebbles, mirrored lake.. while my monkey mind was busy for nothing.

At some point during my content solitude, it struck me that a year has passed…

Last year I was with Anita, Chris and Dave at Refuge on this particular Sat afternoon, and I clearly remembered what we had that day on this new discovered gem and I got a kitty mask and some pineapple cakes from Chris as presents from his recent trip to Taiwan. It was a fun post run beer social with good friends in beautiful California.

Then my world collapsed (certainly felt that way) the very next day. I had been through hell and nightmare from that weekend, so many hurtful moments and tears, and more than often I felt that I would never make it through many sleepless nights as I listened to my shattered heart broken into even more tiny pieces.

365 days had gone by and life continued on, not sure if I am a new person or still the same person. Seems that nothing had changed but everything changed. I have lost so much but gained a lot in one year. Once halted life had continued and found new dimension. Once broken but now beating again in my chest is my heart. Once lost completely but resurfaced happily is trust in friendship and people.

The only constant is change, continuing change, inevitable change, that is the dominant factor in life. I learned to understand “change” better, and I stop questioning if anything or any decision is sensible or why do good-hearted people get hurt. Those answers are not relevant anymore. I accept the world as it is and as it will be.

I am so lucky to have friends who have lend me their shoulders, who have stood by me, who have showered me with support and care whenever I reached out. And quite unexpected, I have recently experienced truce decency and what it means when you do care — you want what’s best for the person you truly care and you do what you can not to hurt him/her. For that someone very very special to me, though you are unaware what you mean to me or where you stand, I will always cherish what we have shared together and be that special friend of yours with all my heart. I am so grateful for your presence in the world every day, and I treasure your presence in and around my life.

A year has passed, and I have come out OK, damaged perhaps, but I survived.